I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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