giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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