Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Dicks are not precious.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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