I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
