this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
