I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
