Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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