I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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