so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
