She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
