been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
