the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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