And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
