She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Sex in the backyard? Check.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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