I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
