We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
