We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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