so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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