Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
