Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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