I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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