dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I love you.
Bad choice
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
