Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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