I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I want to be your penis for a week.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
