why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
