when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
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