I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
