Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
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