I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize