If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Your penis caused this!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
