google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
