oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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