sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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