When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
