break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
