You smell like stripper and shame
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
you had me at cake vodka
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
