sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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