I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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