I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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