Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
