Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize