Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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