His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
