Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
