Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Boobs are out for the taking
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize