I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
