Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
