You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
this boner is exhausting
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
