dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
