She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
