It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
