dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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