either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
