The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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