Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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