I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize