hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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