omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
