Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
