I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
COCAINE IS GR8
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
