She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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