So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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