good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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