An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
