4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
