you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
