it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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