I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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