this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
