I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Randomize
