oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
