my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize