that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
