Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize