This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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