I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
