i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
