My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
