Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
