just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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