Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
