sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
