Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
