Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
