hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
