I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
