We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize