Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
you inspire me to be a worse person
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
