ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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