just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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