and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
