I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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