i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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