hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
