we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
