Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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