I want to have your abortion
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just high enough for therapy.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
