Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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